During the pandemic, I became, to the possible detriment of my mental health, a religious viewer of The Bachelor franchise. Not like this was my first time watching a dating show — I spent my misspent youth watching re-runs of The Dating Game on the Game Show Network. But The Bachelor is fascinating in a different way. Yes, there is a game, with winners and losers, but almost everyone on the show is pretending that the game doesn’t exist. (Think of Greg Grippo telling Bachelorette Katie that he didn’t give a cuss about the rose.) The mental gymnastics required to be successful on the show are as impressive as anything you’ve seen at the Olympics.
Recently, The Bachelor franchise has been searching for a new host to replace veteran Chris Harrison, who left the franchise after he defended a white contestant who went to an Old South antebellum party. I say: let’s recruit the Property Brothers. Heck, let’s give them their own damn dating show.
Jonathan and Drew Scott — from here on out collectively referred to as “the Property Brothers,” — are a pair of television personalities who play act at buying and renovating homes for average folk like you and me. But it’s obvious that their ambitions are much bigger than their namesake show on HGTV — there are now eleven shows in the Property television franchise, as well as books, a podcast, and even a cruise. The Property Brothers have mentioned wanting to a host a daytime talk show, but to me, that is child’s play. The Bachelor is a cultural institution in a way that no daytime talk show will ever be again, and a single season makes almost $100 million in ad revenue a year to boot. The Property Brothers should host a dating show.
What would a Property Brothers dating show look like? Three concepts, humbly presented here for your consideration:
1. “The Homeowner’s Dating Game”
A lonely homeowner must choose between three different suitors, all of whom are given a brief to re-design one of the rooms in the house. The suitor who does the best job designing the room according to the brief, as judged by the Property Brothers in collaboration with the homeowner, wins a date with the homeowner. The homeowner wins three newly renovated rooms.
2. “Renovating and Afraid”
Two individuals are ripped out of their lives and forced to go on a series of dates with one another while living in a house that they are renovating with the Property Brothers. If they successfully renovate the house, they will split the final sale price of the house 50/50, even if their romantic relationship doesn’t work out. But if either one of them leaves the house, unable to take the pressure of cooperating on a high-stakes renovation while dating, they get nothing.
3. “Trading Loving Spaces”
A couple who have been dating for less than a year and don’t live together swap houses and, with the help of the Property Brothers, transform the bedroom in two days. The homeowner does not get a say in the re-design — it’s up to their partner to know their taste, and the Property Brothers to reign in some unruly X-rated concepts.
Jonathan, Drew—call me
The possibilities for Property Brothers dating shows are endless, and their charming personalities will bring any concept to life. And if they need any hosting tips? Jonathan is already dating Zooey Deschanel, host of The Celebrity Dating Game, and I guarantee she’ll offer consulting services.
Are you an executive at Warner Bros. Discover or Scott Brothers Global? Interested in these concepts? Please do get in touch — my services as showrunner are available for any or all of the above Property Brothers dating shows.