A few questions for Cole Sprouse about his trip to Babyland General Hospital

Just in case Cole ever reads Night Water.

A few questions for Cole Sprouse about his trip to Babyland General Hospital
Photo: @colesprouse

A nurse, eyes black except for a pinprick of light, holds a curly-haired Cabbage Patch Kid, arms outstretched to hug her potential adoptive parents.

Four shelves of Cabbage Patch Kids, all sitting, waiting.

Bald babies poke their heads out of circles of leaves at the foot of a grand old tree, while an ethereal woman hovers, just out of focus, at the front of the frame.

Exclusive babies, available for $69.99, stare up from a crib.

Cole Sprouse, dressed in all denim, kneels beside a stone statue of a Cabbage Patch Kid mid-birth, cigarette perched on the edge of his lips.

These photos are a not-so-rare look into Babyland General Hospital, the fake hospital where Cabbage Patch Kids are “born,” located in the heart of the North Georgia Mountains. They were shared by former child star and current adult actor Cole Sprouse, best known for acting alongside his twin brother Dylan in The Suite Life of Zach & Cody. (All three of us were technically classmates at NYU, though we’ve never met.)

It was a shock to see the mainstream star, now known for his role on Riverdale, at a relatively obscure tourist attraction. As a mildly obsessive fan of Babyland General Hospital, I had so many questions. All of my attempts to contact Sprouse (I DM’d him on Instagram once) failed.

Cole Sprouse, dressed in all denim, kneels beside a stone statue of a Cabbage Patch Kid mid-birth, cigarette perched on the edge of his lips.
Photo: @colesprouse

What led Sprouse and his partner, model Ari Fournier, to Babyland General Hospital? Did they go to Georgia for the express purpose of visiting Babyland? Did they adopt a Cabbage Patch Kid? Were they lucky enough to see Mother Cabbage give birth?

Cole: in the unlikely event that you or your publicist or your social media manager or your brother ever see this, I have some questions for you. I want to know every single last detail of your visit to Babyland. And if you ever return to Babyland, I would love to fourth wheel (after you, Ari, and your adopted Cabbage child, of course).