Time is running out for the perfect Austin Powers legacy sequel

An open letter to Michael Myers and Jay Roach

Time is running out for the perfect Austin Powers legacy sequel

Dear Messrs. Myers and Roach,

Hope you’re both doing well and enjoying your residuals. Big fan of your work. Jay (can I call you Jay?), your Meet The Parents trilogy is one of the best portrayals of the Jewish-American experience committed to film. And Mike, it was so great to meet you at the Shrek x Lush skincare pop-up in London.

The author poses for a selfie with Shrek.
That was you, right?

I’ll get down to business since this is an urgent matter. As you well know, the first installment of the Austin Powers trilogy, International Man of Mystery, was released in May 1997. In that film, Austin Powers, a secret agent and sexy hedonist from 1967’s Swinging London, wakes up from cryostasis in the year 1997 to fight his arch-nemesis, the supervillain Dr. Evil, who also froze himself thirty years prior.

Please turn your head to your closest wall calendar. You might be shocked to learn that we’re rapidly approaching 2027, the thirtieth anniversary of International Man of Mystery and the ideal year to release a legacy sequel to the trilogy.

Here’s my elevator pitch: an international man of mystery from the 1990s was frozen in 1997 (perhaps just before Dr. Evil returned, necessitating his unfreezing in the original film). Now, thirty years later, the world is facing an unprecedented threat from Dr. Evil’s son, Scott Evil (as set up at the end of Goldmember). Given that Scott is the product of Gen-X, it only makes sense to unfreeze the best spy of the ‘90s and pair them up with an aging Austin Powers, who’s been spreading STDs at his groovy swingers retirement community.

From there, Austin acts as a guide for the last thirty years, and we get some good jokes about the internet, TikTok, global warming, Bill Clinton, Beanie Babies, Blockbuster, and The Simpsons still being on TV. They could also meet up with Dr. Evil, who has been trying to right his past wrongs by volunteering with a hairless cat rescue, and other old favorites like Fat Bastard, Basil Exposition, and Jerry Springer.

GIF from the Jerry Springer scene in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. Dr. Evil complains to Scott that he is "the Diet Coke of evil. Just one calorie, not evil enough."

As for the ‘90s spy, I think you could play with casting in a few different ways. Maybe go American, like a Ryan Gosling type, so you get some culture clash jokes in there. You could gender-swap and get someone like Ayo Edebiri (don't let her 3-star review of the original film on Letterboxd dissuade you). You could also pull some also-rans from the shortlist for the next James Bond, like Bridgerton’s Regé-Jean Page or Irish dreamboat Paul Mescal.

No matter the direction you go, please be mindful of the clicking clock counting down to 2027. We’re talking three years to write, cast, film, edit, and put together a shagadelic soundtrack, baby. So please, heed my call. Lock yourself in a room with a typewriter and a Swedish-made penis enlarger pump and don’t come out until you have Austin Powers 4.

Sincerely yours,
Adam Cecil