In the words of the eternally wise Dave Matthews Band:

When all the little ants are marching
Red and black antennas waving
They all do it the same way
They’re all subscribed to Night Water

Wild that Matthews wrote that in 1994, almost two decades before Night Water started sending out late night missives! But I guess that’s why he has so many fans.

Anyway, I’m so excited to announce that on June 8th, 2022, a mere two months and three days after our 300th subscriber first opened the fridge to fill up her glass with a refreshing late night beverage, Night Water has reached 400 subscribers! We’re well on our way to hitting and exceeding the 500 subscriber goal for year two, all thanks to you fine readers.

As is tradition, we’re celebrating this milestone with a special Q&A, featuring our 400th subscriber!

A thirty-something white male in sunglasses and a brown suit jacket stands outside of a wedding holding what appears to be a vodka tonic. — Night Water’s 400th subscriber enjoying an alcoholic beverage in the daytime, the natural precursor to a nighttime glass of water.

Who are you and what is your deal?

I am a thirty-something human being named Sean; I live in New Jersey and work in corporate retail. I have seven houseplants and only three of them are dying.

How did you hear about Night Water?

I had recently tried Nuggs for the first time and, as a meat eater, I was very impressed. I proceeded to share my discovery with a vegetarian acquaintance, who pointed me to her friend’s newsletter article about them. Shortly thereafter, I was browbeaten into subscribing by said platonic acquaintance and here we are!

Where were you when you found out you were Night Water’s 400th subscriber?

I remember it like it was two weeks ago. It was a Wednesday around 10 p.m. and I was sitting on my couch playing a video game. If any of your subscribers know how I can clean the sewage out of my bay in Cities: Skylines, I’d appreciate the advice.1

Now that you’re subscribed to Night Water, what’s next for you?

Once this article is published, I will unsubscribe. What kind of self-respecting newsletter does a feature on me? Night Water has really jumped the shark with this one. (Note to self: return periodically to see if Adam has reviewed BOCA Chik’n Patties.)

What does the phrase “late night vibes” mean to you?

I’m sitting outside, just taking it all in. My mind is clear and I have life all figured out. At that moment, I am the wisest and most ambitious version of myself. In the morning, I have another epiphany: it’s so much easier to be mediocre.

Thanks, Sean. It’ll be sad to lose you as a subscriber the minute this is published.

Assuming Night Water ever recovers from that loss, we’ll see the rest of you soon with our 500th Subscriber Special!

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1

Well, first of all, don’t pour your sewage into the bay. But assuming it’s too late for that, start building water treatment plants once you hit “Big City” status. They’re expensive but highly effective. The Green Cities DLC also adds a few tools to help with pollution, including a floating garbage collector that can speed up water’s natural recovery cycle.

The Night Water 400th Subscriber Special